Fly
by ladylookslikeadude
Summary: After Regionals, Rachel Berry finally understands that fixing yourself doesn't always have to end up with you the same.  She changes herself, Santana changes her perceptions, and Jesse changes his mind.  St. Berry, various Berry flavored friendships.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Well, here's another one. But this one is very different, as I'm sure you'll see. I'm not sure how far I'll go on this, but expect chapters into the twenties, at least. Tell me what you think! Oh, and a beta reader would be greatly appreciated. Review and tell me if you're interested. **_

Rachel didn't know how she had ended up here, at an end of the year party with Noah of all people. She hadn't been at one of these parties since her swift fall from grace during her freshman year, and she obviously hadn't been missing much. She grimaced and shifted to the side to avoid the grasping hands of a jock, returning to her search for Noah so she could tell him she was leaving.

"Rach, babe, what's up?" Noah slurred, swinging an arm over her shoulders and pulling her closer. She jumped in shock, twisting slightly to look at his face, frowning at the devastation under his drunken cheerfulness.

"Come on Noah," Rachel murmured, stepping out from under his arm and taking his hand. "My dads are gone again, so we'll be fine at my house. We shouldn't be here," she added, her lips trembling briefly. Figgins had told them that he had hired someone to make their Glee club successful. A little digging had her turning up a name that turned her stomach…Shelby Corcoran.

She grabbed a couple of beers on their way out, and they both drank as they walked back to her house, Rachel nodding to some thankful policemen who didn't want to have to arrest Puckerman for doing something stupid again. Rachel fumbled briefly with her keys before letting them into the house.

"It's been a while, hasn't it Berry?" Puck looked sad, and Rachel fought the urge to reach out to him, knowing he wouldn't appreciate it like he once would have.

"It has," she agreed quietly, wrapping her arms around herself gently. It had been a while since they had been able to speak to each other without hatred and anger. Their pathetic attempt at dating didn't really count, since they were both too focused on other people.

"Why'd Quinn have to give her away Rach? I would've been a good dad," he muttered, flopping down on the couch.

Rachel sat down gently, bringing her legs up. "She didn't give her away Noah, she gave her up. Beth needed a good, stable home, and two teenaged parents who can barely stand each other on their best days wouldn't have been able to give her that."

She rolled her eyes at his mulish look. "You would have been an amazing father Noah, but you're too focused on popularity, just like Quinn. You'll be a good man one day, but for now, enjoy the fact that you don't have the responsibility of a child."

Puck smirked slightly. "You're too fucking wise sometimes Berry. I wanna be pissed, not accepting all of this shit."

Rachel shrugged and stood, digging out the key to her father's liquor cabinet. "We have Jack Daniels, and Patron." She paused for a moment. "But the Patron is mine, so you get Jack Daniels."

Puck sniggered loudly, already slightly tipsy. "My man Jack," he laughed loudly. "The man who's gotten me through damn near everything." Rachel flashed him a quick grin and tossed him the bottle, keeping the Patron for herself, just like she'd said she would.

"We don't have a choice Noah, we have to accept this shit or start bitching and crying," Rachel slurred, half of the bottle of Patron already gone. Tears formed in her eyes and dripped down her face, and she didn't do anything to stop them.

Puck leaned into her, giving her a half-hearted hug, her silent tears tugging at his heart more than any of her dramatic sobs ever had. "Stupid fucking St. James," he muttered, taking a long swig of Jack. "Doesn't realize when he has the fucking best girl he'll ever get."

Rachel shook her head, stealing his bottle and taking a swig of Jack as well. "He wasn't the only one at fault Noah, you can't just blame him. I fucked shit up too." She let out a small sob, slapping her hand over her mouth to silence herself.

"Fuck that noise Berry! Sure, you messed up with that video, but that doesn't require egging someone he believes to be a vegan," Puck snapped sharply, knocking into her shoulder and making her spill some of her Patron. She glared and slapped at his shoulder.

"Noah, this shit is expensive, don't make me waste it." He rolled his eyes. "Rach, you remember freshman year?" He looked nostalgic, and Rachel nodded, a faint smile on her lips.

"Yeah Noah, I remember." And she did. It was before slushies and Quinn and Santana hating her. She had been on the Cheerios and top of the pyramid and the people in the halls had parted for her like the Red Sea. Her lips trembled briefly. "Trust me, I remember."

He looked excited as only someone who's completely drunk could. "Rach, why don't we get you back on the Cheerios? You get to be top of the food chain again, and we could date and be safe for the rest of high school."

Rachel laughed bitterly. "Like Sylvester would let me back on the squad after I almost ruined the chances for the squad to go to Nationals that year." She softened when she saw the sad realization in his eyes. "I've learned to live with it Noah. I'll be fine, and you'll go back to screwing every Cheerio on the squad, and we'll live until graduation." She smiled at him warmly, and he smiled back weakly.

"You're right Rach, but still…" he trailed off, and finished off the bottle of Jack, eyeing her Patron and deciding that the inch of liquid left in the bottle wasn't enough to fight her over. "You know what? I'm gonna call Quinn, and I'm gonna tell her what a fucking bitch she is," he declared, and Rachel nodded along with him. It seemed like a perfect idea. "And afterwards, you'll call Jesse and let him know how much a douchbag he is." Rachel still nodded.

"It's a wonderful idea," she declared firmly, latching onto him with a hug. He planted a large, wet kiss on her lips and she responded easily. His hands wandered up and down her body, and she pulled away. "Call Quinn," She breathed, "And I'll call Jesse, and then we can keep this up." Puck grunted his agreement and fumbled for his cell phone, squinting at the tiny buttons.

"Fuck Berry, I can't see the buttons." He squinted even harder. "Shit…I can read the phone number, but I can't see the buttons!" He raised his voice angrily, and Rachel stood unsteadily before stumbling over to her cordless phone, grabbing it after some fumbling, and tossing it to him.

The phone dropped to the floor with a loud smack and Puck grimaced before picking it up and dialing the number. "Hello?" He snarled when he heard Quinn's cool voice and the background noise of a party. 

"You're a fucking bitch Quinn, you know that?" He was pissed, and he wanted her to know it. "You gave up my baby, and you wouldn't even let me try for an open adoption." His voice broke, and Rachel leaned her head against his shoulder.

"You're drunk." The disgust in Quinn's voice was obvious, and Puck sneered angrily, jerking his shoulder away from Rachel.

"Fuck yeah I am! That bitch is gonna be the fuckin' consultant for Glee next year you bitch." Rachel stiffened, her eyes wide and suddenly wet. "I'm gonna have to look at her every day and know that she has my baby girl, and that I can't see her!" Rachel had moved away by now, her eyes darker than he had ever seen them.

"Puck, I'm sorry." The honesty in Quinn's voice made him pause. "I was wrong with what I did, and I can admit that. So, I'm sorry. But I don't want you to forgive me, because I don't deserve it yet." He could almost hear her looking around at the party in shame. "I'll talk to Shelby about you seeing Beth, okay?"

He smiled, and it was almost beautiful. "Okay. Thanks Quinn. You have no clue how much this means to me."

"Oh, I think I do." Quinn's voice was soft and gentle, and he remembered why he had fallen in love with her in the first place. "Bye Puck." She hung up before he could say goodbye, but he didn't care. He knew he was smiling goofily as he handed the phone over to the now silent Rachel, but he didn't care.

Rachel was now furious in addition to being more drunk than she could ever remember being, and _fuck_ Jesse, she didn't give a damn anymore. She pushed in Shelby's cell number, the one that she had gotten out of Jesse's phone when he hadn't been looking, and she let it rang, her lips in a thin white line. "Shelby Corcoran speaking."

"It wasn't enough that you had to ruin my life, but you had to disrespect me by adopting a baby after saying that I was too old for a mother." Her voice was flat and emotionless, hiding her fury admirably.

"Rachel…" Shelby trailed off, her voice soft in shock.

"I was fine without a mother Shelby, but then you made Jesse come and get my hopes up, and then you decided that you wanted a shiny new baby instead of the one that you had made." Her voice trembled, but she was the direct opposite of Puck. He had been loud and angry, but she was soft and broken, her voice slurring gently.

"Rachel, are you drinking?" Shelby's voice was strident, and Rachel laughed harshly.

"Shelby, I've just finished an entire bottle of Patron. I'm past just drinking, I'm officially drunk. Which is probably why I have enough courage to do this." She sounded thoughtful, and Shelby made a strangled sound.

"Rachel, surely you know how damaging alcohol can be to your vocal cords!" Shelby sounded equal parts concerned and angry, and Rachel laughed harshly.

"Shut the fuck up Shelby. It doesn't make me selfish to want a mother after you got my hopes up, and it was fucked up that you adopted a baby but wouldn't even agree to keep in contact with me. So fuck you. I love you and I hate you, and I can't keep it all straight in my head. How are we going to deal with this shit it the fall?" Rachel laughed harshly.

"You know what? Don't even worry about it. We'll pretend we're strangers. After all, that's what you wanted, right?"

Shelby let out a soft sob. "No Rachel, that's not what I wanted. Why did you call me?" She suddenly challenged, her voice becoming angry. "Why?"

Rachel leaned her head back and smiled bitterly, although she knew Shelby couldn't see it. "Because I have no verbal filter right now, and it's nice. Right now, I don't give a flying fuck what you think about me, and I don't care about the consequences." She paused for a moment. "But don't feel bad. You broke me a little, but Jesse fucking destroyed me, so you're not the only one I should call."

"But you won't call him." Shelby sounded supremely confident.

"No," Rachel agreed sadly. "I won't. I'm not nearly drunk enough to not be terrified of what he'll say. Don't worry though, let me drink another bottle of Patron and I'll get to him next." She now sounded supremely cheerful, standing up to go to the liquor cabinet and do exactly that. "Later Shelby," she laughed mockingly, hanging up on the woman that she nearly hated.

Rachel popped of the lid and took a large swig of the Patron, grabbing another bottle of Jack Daniels too. She slid it on the floor towards Puck, and he grabbed it with a nod of thanks, taking his own swig, his previously happy expression gone.

"You gonna call St. James too?" Puck questioned casually, leaning closer to her. She glanced up and their breath mingled, an overwhelming scent of alcohol burning her nose as he leaned in farther, kissing her firmly. Rachel tilted her head back and let him lean over her, covering her completely as his hands travelled her body again.

Rachel moaned into his mouth, before jerking when the phone rang. She swore softly when Puck pulled away, grabbing the phone irritably. "Hello?" She snapped, sounding just as pissed as she looked.

"Hey Rach," Jesse greeted quietly. "Shelby said you wanted to talk to me?" He sounded questioning, and rightfully so.

"Oh, fuck Shelby," Rachel barked angrily. "She should mind her own business."

"Rachel…" Jesse coughed gently. "Are you drunk?" He sounded disbelieving.

"Oh, bravo," she muttered cynically. "You know, you're the first person who's gotten that right. I'm not drinking, I'm drunk." She nodded to herself firmly.

"I figured," Jesse deadpanned. "You're not someone to do anything half-assed. But seriously Rach, don't you know how badly that can screw with your vocal cords?" He sounded concerned, and Rachel choked out a laugh.

"Jesse, you don't really have a right to act all concerned and shit. You egged me Jesse." She sounded so disbelieving and still shocked that his heart broke a little bit. "I know I fucked up, but it wasn't nearly that bad. I bruised your ego Jesse, but what you did could have ended with serious psychological harm."

Tears were dripping down Rachel's face now, but she couldn't stop. "I love you, you irritating asshole, but you damn near destroyed me. I fucking hate you," she snapped before breaking down and crying.

Puck plucked the phone out of her hand and moved away so she couldn't hear him. "St. James, I'm going to make her forget about you, at least for tonight. I'm going to fuck her, and it's going to be fucking amazing, and you're going to regret ever giving her up." He smirked when he heard Jesse swear.

"Puckerman, don't you dare fucking touch her," Jesse barked down the phone line as he sprinted out to his Range Rover, slamming the key into the ignition.

"Oh?" Puck was amused. "And why the fuck shouldn't I? Like I've told her a thousand times, we're two hot Jews. We fucking belong together." He paused. "If you wanna stop me, you better hurry St. James. She's drunk, and I am too. No one will be at fault this time."

"She's mine Puckerman, and you know it." Jesse was pissed. "She knows it, even fucking Hudson knew it."

"Oh really?" Puck snickered. "You'd better ask Berry about that when she's sober, 'cause I think you'll find that he didn't know it as much as you seem to think." He abruptly hung up the phone, and Jesse slammed his hand against the steering wheel and cursed angrily, getting out.

He didn't want Rachel's first time to be when she was drunk. Hell, if he was honest wit himself, he didn't want Rachel's first time to be with anyone but him. But he couldn't do anything about it. He knew he wouldn't be able to get there in time; Akron was a solid forty minutes away from Lima. So Jesse went back inside, closed his eyes, and allowed himself to understand.

Rachel looked up at Puck with red eyes when he came back. "I didn't think it would hurt so much to talk to him," she whispered, tears still gleaming in her eyes. "I thought it would feel as good as it did when I told Shelby off, but it didn't." She looked up at him desperately. "Why didn't it?"

Puck sighed and dropped down next to her. "Because you're still in love with the douche. I don't know why, but you are. So…go do something about it."

She shook her head slowly. "No. I want him to come to me Noah. He's the one who fucked us up so bad, so he has to come to me first. Then I can apologize for my part in everything." She nodded to herself, taking a swig of Patron.

"Yeah? Wanna make him jealous?" Puck suggested with a smirk, and Rachel looked up at him with bleary eyes.

"I don't know…kind of," she admitted, before frowning. "But I don't know if it would be good idea…"

He leaned into her personal space. "Trust me," he soothed, his voice slurring to almost ridiculous proportions.

Rachel nodded, and he kissed her for the third time that night, and before anything else could happen, their clothes were flying all over the room, and Rachel was crying out in pain and Puck was moaning.

"Hey, you okay?" Puck touched her shoulder gently the next morning when she shifted and whimpered, and she jerked, looking at him with wide, horrified eyes, the same eyes he had when he realized that they were naked.

"Shit…" Rachel breathed out, shaking her head in disbelief. "I can't believe this…" She sat up, ignoring the pain for a moment, and buried her face in her hands. "Noah, I need the morning after pill. I can't be another Quinn. I'm sorry, but I couldn't do it."

Puck nodded and got off of the couch, pulling on his jeans quickly. Before he left, he rested his hand on the top of her head for a moment. "Rach, I'm not sorry about this, but I'm sorry that I don't remember it." He said softly, making her smile into her hands and nod.

He left, and Rachel broke down and cried. She could barely remember anything after she had started on the second bottle of Patron, and she could barely remember finally telling Shelby off. "I don't regret it either," she said to the door softly before standing up and limping her way into the shower.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Oh my goodness. One of my major dreams has just come true. Unsuspecting Sunday Afternoon has Alerted to one of my stories, namely, this one! I am so pumped! The fact that they actually consider my story decent has me so awed at the moment…I'm on cloud freaking nine! Oh, read and review please! -Sheepish look- And a very Happy New Year!**_

The moment that the door had closed behind him, Puck sped up, hopping into his truck quickly and speeding off. He didn't want another baby on the way, thank you. A quick glance into the Seven Eleven made him grimace, however. Hair that blonde could only belong to one person. He took a deep breath and strode into the store like he owned it.

"Puck?" Quinn sounded surprised and pleased. "I figured you'd be at home recovering from your hangover," she laughed, her cold blue eyes warming.

"Yeah…" He muttered, slipping around her to get to the pharmacy, grabbing the morning after pill and grimacing at Quinn's snort, averting his eyes and not seeing how hurt she looked for a split second before she fixed her face into an angry sneer.

"You know, I had actually convinced myself that you'd changed, but you're still exactly the same, aren't you?" She challenged scornfully. "Which Cheerio did you forget to use protection with this time?"

Puck clenched his teeth, a muscle in his neck jumping. "If you're really that curious Quinn, it was actually Berry." The blonde choked, but he kept going. "We got drunk together, we drunk dialed, and we made a mistake." He glared at her. "So if you have a problem with that, fuck you."

Quinn shook her head and sighed. "I'm sorry. I keep thinking the worst of you, don't I?" She asked ruefully.

"This time it's understandable though, that you would act like that. I mean, I did call you and act like a little bitch about how _you_ had stayed the same." Puck admitted reluctantly. "But I don't want another baby that I'd have to give up. One was enough."

"Yeah," Quinn agreed softly, stepping a little bit closer. "Hey, tell Man-" She paused and winced at his sharp look. "Sorry, habit. Tell _Rachel_ that the pain will get better soon." Puck arched an eyebrow at her, and she laughed softly. "I'm pretty sure Rachel is the only Cheerio besides me that kept her virginity through freshman year. After that, no guy would touch her, and we would've known if St. James or Finn had."

She had kept her face impressively passive, but Puck rolled his eyes. "Really? You're with him again Quinn?" She crossed her arms defensively but he shook his head. "I don't even care anymore. I'll see you later Baby Mama."

Quinn grabbed his arm in panic as he turned away. "I'm not with him," she admitted softly. "He asked me…he assumed, Puck." She looked suddenly furious. "He acted like it would be this great bit favor, when I know damn well that he asked Man Hands first. I was his fucking second choice!"

The blonde hadn't wanted Puck to leave just yet, relishing in how normal he treated her, but now her hand clenched of its own accord, her nails digging into his arm until he firmly pulled it off of him.

Puck sneered. "I'll let that one slide, but call her that again and I'll break my rule to never hit a girl. Seriously, the hell did you expect? He's always acted like that, so why do you care now?"

She sighed. "Because you treated me so good Puck. I guess you spoiled me," she laughed a little bit before sobering. "You're supposed to be the one to treat me like a piece of ass, not him. When did the roles get reversed?" When did the bad boy become the one who treated her like the princess her daddy had always told her she was?

"They've always been reversed Quinn, you just haven't seen it." Puck looked at her seriously. "He has his golden-boy reputation because I'm there in all of my badassedness to make him look better. But if you look past me, he's worse. A lot worse."

Quinn sighed again. "Badassedness isn't a word," she deadpanned, sounding eerily like Rachel for a moment. "I feel so blind," she admitted. "I feel so stupid."

"You shouldn't." Puck shrugged. "You saw what everyone else saw too." He had never expected anyone to see past Finn's golden halo, but now two people had, and both had denied him and come running to Puck. It might be a little bit sick, but he got a chuckle or two out of that.

"I'm a Cheerio again," she said abruptly. "Not Head Cheerio yet, but it's just a matter of time." He smirked slightly. He loved how arrogant she was about that. "I'm blacklisting him. Finn doesn't deserve anything, let alone a Cheerio. Keep Rachel away from him, and we'll have him changing his behavior in no time." Not that it would help, but he might get a chess club girl or two to go out with him by their senior year.

Puck laughed, a little bitterly. "Trust me, Berry doesn't want Finnocence. She's already refused to get back together with him," he added, not sure if Rachel would mind Quinn knowing who she wanted.

Quinn smirked. "No, I don't think she does. She wants someone a hell of a lot hotter." She shrugged at his look. "He's not my type, but even I can admit that St. James was a step up or five from Finn."

Puck smirked a little. "Yeah, I guess. So…I'll see you later, I guess," he muttered, starting to look a little bit awkward.

"Wait," Quinn said softly. "Um…meet me for coffee later," she said abruptly.

"Why?" He challenged softly, carefully hiding the hope in his eyes behind a wall of anger. It came so easily that it almost scared him. "I need a reason Quinn; I don't want us to be undefined again. It was too hard the first time for me to try it a second one."

She looked nervous but resolute. "I want us to try, Puck. For real this time. No Beth, no Rachel, no Finn. Just you and me. Please." Quinn nearly choked on the last word, but seeing Puck smile like that made it all worth it.

"Definitely. Later Baby Mama," he called out, sounding a lot more relaxed than he had when they had first started talking.

"By Puck," she said softly, smiling gently. Quinn was really going to try this time, and maybe, just maybe, they could make it work.

Rachel was out of the shower by the time he got back, and she smiled thankfully, taking the pill quickly. "I appreciate this Noah." She sat down on the couch, sending a small glare at the bottles still on the floor. She still couldn't believe that she had gotten drunk with Noah Puckerman. Had she learned nothing from Quinn's mistakes?

"Um, do we need to talk about what happened last night?" She would rather not, but she needed to know if she needed to clarify that what had happened would never happen again. She gave an absent kick to the bottles on the floor, rolling her eyes when she saw that she had kicked a Patron bottle. _Of course._

Puck snorted. "No. Stop being so fucking weird Berry. We got drunk and emotional…well; _you _got emotional, and we made a mistake that will never be repeated. Got it?"

"Of course," Rachel laughed in amusement and some relief. "We couldn't have this ruining your badass reputation, now could we? Everyone knows that Noah Puckerman doesn't do _emotion._" She playfully sneered the last word, making sure to look vaguely horrified that she had even said it.

"Exactly!" Puck looked satisfied, carefully hiding a grin. "I talked to Quinn, and she said that the soreness goes away soon."

Rachel paused before nodding. She could have gotten pissed and ranted, but she would rather not argue with him at the moment. Besides, he looked so awkward. She would imagine that he'd never had to stay and help someone through this. "Tell her I appreciate the advice," she said simply, offering him a small smile.

She looked nervous. "Do…do you remember who I called and what I said?" She asked, wringing her hands. She could almost feel it in her bones that she needed to do some serious damage control.

Puck shook his head slowly, but said, "I remember that you called Shelby, and I talked to St. James for a while, but I'm not sure who called him. I have no clue what you said though. Sorry Berry," He apologized softly.

"It's fine," Rachel sighed. "I kind of expected that, honestly. I'm sure I'll hear an earful about it once school starts anyway," she pointed out bitterly, fighting the urge to start biting her nails with some surprise. She hadn't had that urge since she was twelve and starting a new dance class.

"I don't know Rach, she didn't seem like the kind of person who would use your drunken ramblings against you," he said, thinking back to the brief moment he had met her. Shelby had seemed sweet enough, and certainly eager to take his baby girl.

She laughed sharply. "Oh Noah, she was the coach of Vocal Adrenaline. She can, and will, use anything that you give he against you. She's kind of like Coach Sylvester in that aspect," she mused quietly with a small, reminiscent smile. Rachel had loved being a Cheerio, but she of all people knew how unlikely it was that she would ever be accepted onto the squad again.

"Really?" Puck looked surprised. "She didn't seem that way to me. Maybe she's the type who keeps that at practice." Rachel thought about it, and then thought about Sylvester acting maternal in a house filled with frilly pink things. She cringed, and then shared her thoughts. She wasn't going to be the only one who suffered.

"Seriously Rach?" Puck looked horrified now. "I think I might just puke now. Shit…" He fought the urge to gag, grimacing. "I need fucking brain bleach now…"

Rachel giggled softly before standing. "Alright Noah, I think you need to go home and let your mother know that you're ok." She gave him a stern look when he started to protest. "I'll be fine Noah, now go." She had to practically shove him out of the house before he would acquiesce and leave.

She took a deep breath and shut the door, leaning against it for a moment before heading to the living room and the phone. Rachel had people to call and undoubtedly ruffled feathers to attempt to smooth over.

She dialed Shelby's number before she could second guess herself, silently panicking until she picked up with a droll, "Are you sober this time?" Rachel fought the old urge to open with a similarly bitchy comment, shaking her head in disbelief. All of her old instincts were coming back again. First the desire to bite her nails, and now this…

"Yeah," Rachel said softly after a moment, making sure that her voice was as inoffensive and gentle as she could make it. "I don't remember what I said, but I want to apologize for the undoubtedly blunt and cruel way I said it." She brought her legs up to her chest and switched the phone between ears absently.

"You're not apologizing for what you said?" Shelby asked, faint surprise and something a little like approval coloring her tone. Rachel had known that she was similar to Sylvester, but not as much as she was. Now she kind of wanted to see a grudge match between the two…

"I don't remember what I said," Rachel admitted quietly, shaking the strange thought out of her head, "But I'm sure it was probably true. Drunken ramblings usually are. It may not have been _how_ I wished to say it, but I have no doubt that I meant it."

Shelby took a deep breath before speaking. "I'm sorry if you felt like I was replacing you with the baby. I wasn't doing that, not at all. I just realized how much I had missed out on with you, and I wanted to go through that with another child. Well, with _a _child to be perfectly honest."

Rachel sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "I get that, I guess, but that doesn't mean that you have to cut yourself off from me completely. It doesn't make me selfish to want a mother as well as my fathers," She reiterated from the night before, although she was unaware of it. "I'm not the one who chose to have a closed adoption, and then decided to contact my daughter before I was legally allowed to. That was all you Shelby."

"No matter how feminine they may act whenever a roach crosses the threshold of our home, they aren't my mother, and they're uncomfortable with my girl issues. You still have a lot that you could teach me, if you wanted to," she offered, stretching out a tentative olive branch.

Shelby accepted it with aplomb. "I'm aware of that now, Rachel," she laughed softly. "And I would be honored to help you navigate the troubled waters of adolescence." She was grinning, although Rachel couldn't see it, and she wasn't truly aware of it herself.

"Thank you," Rachel whispered, her voice trembling softly. For the first time she could remember, she had handed out her heart and hadn't been handed it back in pieces. She got the feeling that Shelby wasn't going to break her again either.

"You are very welcome Rachel," Shelby replied, just as quietly. "I just hope that eventually I can make you see that no one could ever replace you."

Almost by mutual decision, they hung up at the same time and just sat there staring at the phone in their hands. The parallels between them were almost eerie. Rachel sighed heavily and without thinking dialed another number, one that she'd had memorized for months.

"Hey Jesse," she greeted quietly when he picked up.

"Hey Rach," he replied. "Have fun with Puckerman?" He cringed when he realized how jealous he sounded. "I'm sorry; it's none of my business." But he still kind of wanted to know. After all, how was he to know how to make it better if he didn't know where it was lacking?

"No," Rachel agreed. "It's really not. But honestly, I don't remember much of it at all, except that it hurt, and I'm still sore." They both paused, Jesse choking on air for several minutes. "Too much information?" She asked sheepishly once he was done.

"Never," he replied immediately. "I…some things you said made me start thinking last night," he admitted slowly. "You didn't say it in the best way, but you were drunk, and maybe…maybe that was the only way you could have gotten through to me."

Jesse sighed. "You were right. What you did was wrong, but it didn't deserve what I did…and that wasn't why I did it." It was the first time that he's said it out loud, and a heavy weight seemed to release itself from his chest.

"No?" Rachel sounded surprised, dropping her legs down so she could focus on him. "Why'd you do it then?" She wasn't sure that she wanted to know, but if it wasn't that stupid video, then she needed to know what else she had done wrong.

"Because…" Jesse hesitated before plowing on. "Because in Vocal Adrenaline, there's a lot of jockeying for position, and a Chris was trying to take my place." He sounded irritated that someone had dared, and for good reason. He was easily the best. "I had to fight for it to begin with…"

"And your transfer to McKinley left you especially vulnerable," Rachel finished softly, sounded understanding.

"Yeah," he agreed, his voice a bit thick. Jesse coughed a bit before continuing, "If I hadn't, I would have been thrown out of the group…"

"So you chose your victory lap and your scholarship over me." Rachel sounded surprisingly relived, all things considered. "That actually makes me feel a lot better; because that's something I can understand. That's something I'd probably do too." And now she knew that it wasn't actually something that she'd done. She had contributed to it, but it wasn't purely her fault.

"It wasn't worth it," he admitted. It was easier than he'd thought it would have been to admit that. "Maybe it would have been for a first shot at Nationals, but not a fourth. Giving you up wasn't worth that."

Rachel gasped in surprise. "You…you actually consider giving me up…?" She trailed off and tried again. "You regret it?" She sounded so stunned that it broke Jesse's heart.

"Without a doubt." This time he didn't hesitate at all. "I want to try again Rachel. We have all summer to make our relationship strong enough to withstand the distance, and my parents can afford to fly me out nearly every weekend if I have the time. I want to try without either of us having to worry about Hudson and your Glee Club."

Rachel smiled slowly, and allowed the playful side that only he, and to a certain extent Puck, had ever seen to surface. "I think that we could arrange something," she murmured laughingly, and Jesse laughed as well, although his laugher was tinged with something a bit darker than her honest delight.

"Good, because I don't plan on giving you up again." She was glad, because she didn't plan on giving him up either.

Later that night it was easy to see that everything was going right for the young brunette dancing around her room, belting out Barbra Streisand and laughing in the middle of the song. She threw herself onto her bed and looked around her room, the glaring pink making her smile even wider.

Rachel Berry loved the color pink, she loved stars, she loved New York and Broadway, and she was going to be a star. And for the first time since she had been left alone in a parking lot dripping with egg, she felt like all of the above was true.


End file.
